In the course of conducting the interviews for the role model stories, one theme continued to surface again and again: Much of the information that people had been using to make their decisions around safer sex turned out to be false. We compiled all of the more common questions and myths, and produced the following list to help you navigate your way through all the misinformation that’s out there:

“My partner just got tested a few months ago, and said it was negative.”

You can never be 100% sure about anyone’s status. Be cautious about making safer sex decisions based on a partner’s assurance that they are HIV negative. Even if your partner was tested recently, there is no guarantee of their negative status. It can take days or weeks from exposure to test accurately. Also remember that it can be very difficult for someone who is positive to disclose that information. Fear of a hostile reaction can sometimes lead to the withholding of that information. A good rule of thumb is to think of everyone else as the opposite HIV status than yourself, and protect yourself and them accordingly.

“Only gay people get HIV.”

HIV doesn’t care about straight or gay. Anyone can be at risk for HIV, regardless of your sexual orientation. HIV targets persons of all genders, and sexual persuasions. Transmission is determined by your behavior, not by the gender of your sex partner.

“I heard some people have been cured”, and “Isn’t there a vaccine for it now?”

There is no cure or vaccine for HIV. Some companies are currently conducting vaccine trials, but an effective vaccine that would protect against HIV is still many years away. Though a few have claimed to have been “cured” of HIV, no scientific evidence exists for such claims.

“You can tell who has HIV just by looking at them.”

Someone with HIV won’t always look “sick”. Many people with HIV will not show symptoms or side effects for many years. Some never do. Though we don’t understand why this is, we do know that it is possible for these same people to pass HIV to others regardless of how they themselves are affected by the virus even if they don’t feel or look sick.

“I’m positive, but it’s OK right now—my viral load is undetectable.”

You can still pass HIV even when your viral load is undetectable. Viral load is a term that indicates how much HIV is present in your system. Sometimes, the amount of virus in your system is so low that the test cannot measure it. This does not mean that you no longer have HIV. You can still pass HIV to others during this time. It is also important to know that the amount of virus in your blood will not always be the same as the amount of virus in your semen, vaginal fluid , breast milk or rectal mucosa.

 “Can I get HIV from kissing, using the same silverware and glasses, or from someone else’s sweat at the gym?”

There is no evidence that you can pass HIV through saliva, sweat or tears. This means that sharing utensils, sharing saliva, or touching another person’s sweat or tears does not put you at risk for HIV.

The only known bodily fluids that can transmit HIV are: blood; seminal fluids (both semen and “pre-cum”); vaginal fluid; breast milk; rectal mucosa; and spinal fluid. While HIV is also not present in urine itself, bear in mind that at certain times, such as during bouts of vigorous sex, tiny blood vessels can burst and cause blood to mix in with urine, sometimes in amounts invisible to the naked eye.

“Tops can’t get HIV from a bottom.”

HIV doesn’t care if you are a top or a bottom. Both the insertive and receptive partner are at risk for HIV during unprotected sex. While the risk is greater for the receptive partner (bottom), HIV could still attack the insertive partner (top), by entering through the opening at the end of the penis (urethra), or by passing through tiny openings in the thin, delicate skin of the penis.

 “Getting HIV is a ‘ rite of passage’ for gay men.”

Many in the gay community believe that getting HIV is inevitable, and that it is a “rite of passage” into the gay community. Getting HIV is not inevitable—it is preventable. HIV need not define who you are, or to which communities you feel you belong.

“He/she looks too young/old to have anything like HIV.”

HIV doesn’t care about age. It takes no notice of how young or old you are, and can strike someone of any age. Transmission is determined by your behavior, not by your partner’s age.

“I don’t have to worry about HIV here where we live.”

HIV doesn’t care about where you live. Small quiet town or thriving urban city; economically struggling country or major world power, HIV can be anywhere and is everywhere.

“It’s OK if I pull out before cumming.”

“Pulling out” will not protect either person from HIV. Since HIV is present in both pre-cum and rectal mucosa, either partner can be exposed without the actual exchange of semen.

“Sex just isn’t satisfying with condoms.”

Safer sex can still be great sex. While condoms can decrease sensitivity to a certain extent, the most common complaint is not about the physical sensation, but about the psychological aspects of the barrier between partners. Finding other ways to experience the joy of skin-to-skin contact will go a long way toward creating an intense, satisfying experience. For those who find a condom uncomfortable, it is almost always due to either a condom that’s too small , or an allergy to latex. To alleviate these issues, try switching condoms to one that is a different size, has studs or ridges for enhanced pleasure, or is made of polyurethane instead of latex.

“Rinsing my needle out will clean out any HIV.”

Simply rinsing out a needle will not remove all of the blood inside, blood that may contain HIV and/or Hepatitis C. The next use may inject the remaining blood in the needle from the previous user into the next user. There is some evidence to suggest that HIV and/or Hepatitis C may remain active inside a needle for days or weeks. The most effective way to clean a needle is to fill with bleach, then rinse with water, repeating this sequence three times—though this method still has a small amount of risk. Only using a new needle each time is guaranteed to protect from transmission.

Other “works” such as the syringe, cooker, cotton, water, etc, should also be used only by one person or be new each time to prevent any possibility of HIV or Hepatit i s C transmission.